From meth labs (?!) and mummified remains from the 1950s, to chop shops and cremated body parts, some pretty insane things happen inside self-storage units.
And not fun, find-the-literal-first-copy-of-Superman-that-belongs-to-Nicholas-Cage kind of insane. Like, dangerous and disgusting and life threatening kind of insane.
Here’s a round-up of the craziest self-storage stories we could find. Enjoy. Or read in horror/disbelief.
1. Somewhere in a self-storage unit, a man is wearing a mask from a 90s horror flick and jacking your stuff.
Imagine Ghostface from Scream cutting the lock off your self-storage unit and making off with a bag filled with your valuables.
Now stop imagining because this actually happened. The burglar wore a Ghostface mask and used a bolt cutter and a propane torch to break into not one, but three self-storage units in Central Nyack, New York.
And then he fled with a large bag filled with multiple customers’ belongings.
Other than having your furniture damaged, having your stuff stolen is probably the #1 thing you don’t want to happen. You know, because you’re literally paying for the opposite to happen:
For everything to stay in your storage unit, untouched, and in one piece. And to not have nightmares of a masked man stealing your things.
2. Somewhere in a self-storage unit, one aspiring entrepreneur is running a chop shop.
Ever wonder what it’d be like to pull up to a self-storage unit in Hartford, South Dakota on a Saturday afternoon and ask its renter, “Hey buddy, can I get a small 2003 Civic coupe with a side of Murcielago doors please?”
Yeah, us neither.
3. Somewhere in a self-storage unit, two aspiring entrepreneurs are running a meth lab.
Unless you’re Walter White, “I’m going to run a meth lab … out of a self-storage unit,” probably isn’t your answer when your coworkers ask what you’re doing this weekend. But that’s exactly what two people were running out of a self-storage unit in Freehold, New Jersey.
Don’t store anything illegal.
4. Somewhere in a self-storage unit, a dude is trying to peddle illegal fireworks.
Watching fireworks is fun. Watching your stuff blow up because the guy who rents the storage unit next to yours is storing $75,000 worth of fireworks? Not so much.
Let’s leave the firework peddling to the professionals: the guys who set up stands on the side of the road past the city limits and definitely don’t have a license.
5. Somewhere in a self-storage unit, a lady’s furniture is vanishing into thin air.
When you’re searching for a storage unit, temperature control is an important feature to consider. If you’re paying money to keep your items stored somewhere, you expect them to be safe and free from water, mildew, and mold.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case for one woman who, after returning home from Army basic training, found several thousands of dollars worth of damaged furniture in her self-storage unit in New Berlin, Wisconsin.
We don’t mean “a chipped coffee table leg” and “ripped sofa cushions” damaged. We mean “I literally picked up a book case and it disintegrated in my hands” and “It was absolutely covered in mold” damaged.
Not only did she pay for her things not to be stolen by a man wearing a Ghostface mask, but she also paid for them to, you know, be there, and not be a pile of mush when she came back.
6. Somewhere in a self-storage unit, a man is shoving his ex-girlfriend’s cat into a storage bin.
Arguing with your ex over who gets to keep the pet you bought together is normal. But one brute took things way too far. As in he trapped his ex-girlfriend’s cat in a storage bin. Without air holes. Or food. Or water. And stored the poor thing in a self-storage unit in Chicago.
Not only is that an extremely unchill way to deal with a relationship problem, but it’s also animal cruelty.
Next time, we’re calling PETA.
7. Somewhere in a self-storage unit, there’s a mummified baby from the 1950s.
We wish it weren’t, but it’s true. A woman found a mummified baby wrapped in newspaper from the 1950s in her deceased parents’ Florida self-storage unit. :*(
Things you hope to find when cracking into your parents’ long-abandoned storage unit:
- 3,000 bucks, so you can put the majority of it towards your rent, and the change towards your pint-sized NES Classic Edition Fund
- Incredibly valuable car parts or vintage cameras, so you can pawn them just in case you don’t find said 3,000 bucks
- A painting by Picasso or some other art bro
But a mummified baby? Not at the top of the list.
8. Somewhere in a self-storage unit, a 20-something is growing magic mushrooms.
In Twin Falls, Idaho, a young man who wasn’t Luigi from Mario Bros. thought it was a good idea to grow psychedelic mushrooms inside his self-storage unit. Surprise: bad idea.
After the suspect was narc’d on by a former classmate for selling weed paraphernalia, police obtained a warrant to search the suspect’s storage unit. And that’s where they found several containers filled with shrooms and mushroom spores.
We don’t know about you, but any place that’s damp and musty enough to sustain mind-altering mushrooms must be pretty nasty. We’ll take the storage unit that’s the farthest away from that dude’s.
9. Somewhere in a self-storage unit, a bunch of body parts are being stored in Gucci Mane’s container of choice.
Alright, picture this: You roll up on a self-storage unit auction in Pensacola, Florida. You bid $900 in the hopes of scoring something sweet.
But instead, you score a police investigation. Plus an outrageous amount of body parts (we’re talking lungs, brains, and a heart) stored in … styrofoam cups. And in specimen cups, plastic containers, and trash bags.
Police believe the remains are from autopsies performed by a former associate medical examiner.
We believe the remains are from a psychopath of Hannibal Lecter proportions.
Bottom line: Use MakeSpace, and Never Visit A Storage Unit Again®.
No one should ever have to worry about theft, chop shops, animal cruelty, meth labs, mummified babies, or a slew of other horrible things that happen at self-storage facilities. And you won’t have to, if you use MakeSpace.
Not only are our storage facilities closed to the public and temperature-controlled, but they’re also protected with 24/7 security, motion-sensing cameras, and alarms to ensure the safety of your stuff at all times.
We also include a $2,000 MakeSpace Guarantee with every storage plan at no extra charge because hey, we’re not taking any chances.
The best part: We’ll pick up, store, and deliver your stuff back so you never have to visit a storage unit in the first place.
No muss, no fuss. Only shlep-and-worry-free storage at the push of a button. So schedule a MakeSpace pickup today, and Never Visit A Storage Unit Again®.
This article was written by Hannah Van Arsdale, a freelance writer and dog person based in Portland, OR